Forem: Conker

Roast My README: Real AI Roasts of Famous GitHub READMEs

Conker — Thu, 16 Apr 2026 12:48:23 +0000

We roasted React, Express, and Vue. None were spared.

React: This README is a lovingly crafted link farm. The Installation section reads like a choose-your-own-adventure where all paths lead away from this file.

Express: Has a Table of Contents that links to a Table of Contents. Robust routing — cool story, every router does that.

Vue 2: END OF LIFE at the top, then six paragraphs of sponsor logos. Mixed message: we are dead but also please admire our CI/CD pipeline.

What all three have in common: No quick start in first screen. Vague feature descriptions. Assumes too much context.

If React has these problems, yours probably does too.

🔥 Roast My README — Free preview, 2 full report.

Originally published at https://conker.tools/blog/roast-my-readme-examples

Resume Bullet Points That Get Interviews (Before/After Examples)

Conker — Thu, 16 Apr 2026 12:42:34 +0000

The formula: [Strong verb] + [what you did] + [measurable result]

Marketing: Grew Instagram engagement from 1.2% to 4.8% by shifting to original short-form video

Engineering: Reduced API response time by 60% by eliminating N+1 query patterns

Sales: Closed 1.2M new ARR in 2023, 118% of quota

Operations: Reduced invoice processing from 5 days to same-day via Zapier automation

Strong verbs: Built, Launched, Grew, Reduced, Closed, Led, Shipped, Automated

Avoid: Responsible for, Assisted with, Helped to, Participated in

📋 Roast My Resume — Free preview, 2 dollar full report.

Originally published at https://conker.tools/blog/resume-bullet-points-that-get-interviews

How to Fix Your LinkedIn Headline (With Examples That Actually Work)

Conker — Thu, 16 Apr 2026 12:42:25 +0000

Your LinkedIn headline is read before your name sometimes. Most say the same useless things.

The formula: [What you do specifically] + [for who] + [the result]

Developer before/after:

Before: Software Engineer | Passionate about clean code | Open to work
After: Full-stack engineer (React/Node) | Built 3 products from 0→10k users | Looking for senior IC roles

Marketer:

Before: Results-driven marketing professional | Growth | B2B
After: Grew MRR from 40k to 380k at B2B SaaS | Now helping teams do the same

Words to delete: results-driven, passionate about, synergy, hard worker, team player

The test: Show it to someone who doesn't know you. Ask if they'd know whether to message you. If uncertain — rewrite.

💼 Roast My LinkedIn — Free preview, 2 dollar full report with specific fixes.

Originally published at https://conker.tools/blog/how-to-fix-your-linkedin-headline

Why Your Cold Email Gets Deleted in 3 Seconds (And How to Fix It)

Conker — Thu, 16 Apr 2026 12:36:18 +0000

I ran 50 cold emails through our AI roaster. The same mistakes came up over and over. Here they are with the fixes.

Reason 1: The subject line is about you

❌ Gets deleted: "Partnership opportunity from [Your Company]"

✅ Gets opened: "Your checkout — quick thought" or "Question about [specific thing they posted]"

Reason 2: The first line starts with "I"

❌ Deleted: "I am a freelance developer with 8 years of experience..."

✅ Read: "Your pricing page has 4 steps where your competitors average 2. I've fixed this for similar SaaS companies and cut abandonment by 30%."

Start with them. Your credentials can come in sentence 2 or 3.

Reason 3: It's too long

The optimal cold email length is 50-125 words. Every word you write after 100 is a word they're less likely to read.

The rule: if you can't say it in 3 sentences, you don't understand your own value prop yet.

Reason 4: The ask is too big

❌ Deleted: "Would you be open to scheduling a 45-minute discovery call to discuss how we might be able to work together?"

✅ Gets replies: "Worth a 10-minute call? I can show you exactly what I changed for a similar company."

Reason 5: It sounds like a template

The dead giveaway: "I've been following your company's innovative work." "I think there's a real opportunity for synergy."

The fix: say one specific thing that proves you looked at them.

The AI roast of a typical cold email

🔥 "This email opens with 'I hope this finds you well' — the email equivalent of starting a speech with 'Webster's dictionary defines...' It then spends two sentences describing the sender before mentioning the recipient. The CTA asks for a 30-minute call from someone who has given you zero reason to trust them with 5 minutes. Delete."

📧 Roast My Cold Email — Paste yours. Get specific feedback on exactly what's getting it deleted — free preview, $2 full report.

Originally published at conker.tools/blog/why-your-cold-email-gets-deleted

Roast My LinkedIn: What the AI Found in My 'Results-Driven' Bio

Conker — Thu, 16 Apr 2026 12:36:10 +0000

My LinkedIn headline read: "Results-driven marketing professional | Passionate about growth | Open to opportunities."

I thought it was fine. The AI disagreed — loudly.

The headline roast

🔥 The Roast: "'Results-driven' appears on roughly 40% of all LinkedIn profiles, which means it communicates exactly nothing about you specifically. 'Passionate about growth' describes a house plant. And 'Open to opportunities' is the professional equivalent of putting 'looking for fun' on a dating profile — technically accurate but deeply unserious."

All three phrases. Roasted. Correctly.

The rewrite:

Before: "Results-driven marketing professional | Passionate about growth | Open to opportunities"
After: "Grew email revenue 40% at SaaS startup by rebuilding segmentation | Now helping B2B companies do the same"

Same person. Completely different signal.

The About section roast

🔥 The Roast: "Written in third person — 'John is a dedicated professional who...' — which is a choice, and that choice is wrong. You are writing this. Everyone knows you are writing this. The third-person voice just makes it read like a Wikipedia article about someone mildly notable."

What the full report found

No personality: Could describe any marketing person at any company
No numbers: "Significant growth" and "strong results" are meaningless without figures
No clear value prop: Who should connect with you? What do you help people do? Unclear
Buried the interesting stuff: The one compelling thing was in the last paragraph
Skills section chaos: 47 endorsements for "Microsoft Office"

The LinkedIn headline formula that works

[What you do specifically] + [for who] + [the result they care about]

Examples:

"Helping SaaS companies cut churn by fixing their onboarding | Customer Success @ Acme"
"iOS engineer who ships fast | Previously @Shopify | Open to senior roles"
"Freelance copywriter for fintech brands | Writing that converts without the jargon"

💼 Roast My LinkedIn — Paste your headline + About section. Get the same brutal treatment — free preview, $2 full report.

Originally published at conker.tools/blog/roast-my-linkedin

Roast My Resume: The 7 Things AI Found Wrong With It

Conker — Thu, 16 Apr 2026 12:04:17 +0000

I've been applying for jobs for three months with a resume I thought was solid. A senior recruiter friend finally told me to run it through an AI roaster.

Seven problems. In two minutes.

Problem 1: The Objective statement

🔥 The Roast: "Seeking a challenging position where I can utilize my skills and contribute to organizational goals" is the resume equivalent of saying you're a 'people person.' It describes every human being who has ever applied for a job."

The fix: Delete the objective section entirely. Replace with a 2-line summary stating your role, specialization, and one result. Or skip the summary too.

Problem 2: Duties instead of results

🔥 The Roast: "Responsible for managing social media accounts" is a job description, not an achievement. The hiring manager already knows the job involves managing social media — they wrote the posting."

The fix:

Before: "Responsible for managing social media accounts"
After: "Grew Instagram following from 2K to 18K in 8 months through daily short-form video content"

Formula: [Action verb] + [specific thing you did] + [measurable result]

Problem 3: No numbers anywhere

Zero numbers in my entire experience section. Not one percentage, team size, budget, or timeline.

The fix: Go through every bullet and ask "how much?", "how many?", "by what percentage?" Even rough numbers are better than none.

Problems 4-7 (quick hits)

Skills section padding: "Microsoft Office, teamwork, communication" — list actual tools, platforms, languages
Too long: 3 pages for 4 years of experience. Should be 1 page.
Passive verbs: "Was responsible for", "helped with" → replace with: led, built, launched, grew, reduced
No white space: Margins at 0.4 inches, font at 10pt — unreadable on screen

Check yours

Most of these problems are invisible until someone points them out. Two minutes with an AI roaster will tell you more than three months of no responses.

📋 Roast My Resume — Paste your resume. Get brutal, specific feedback — free preview, $2 full report with rewrites.

Originally published at conker.tools/blog/roast-my-resume

Roast My Cover Letter: What AI Found Wrong With Mine

Conker — Thu, 16 Apr 2026 12:04:12 +0000

I ran my cover letter through our AI roaster. I've been writing cover letters for 8 years. I thought mine was pretty good.

It was not pretty good.

The original opening (the one I was proud of)

🔥 The Roast: "This cover letter opens with 'I am writing to express my strong interest' — a sentence so formulaic it's basically Lorem Ipsum with ambition. You then spend two sentences explaining what the job posting already says, before finally mentioning something real about yourself in paragraph three. The hiring manager has already moved on."

That stung. And it was correct. I had buried the only interesting thing about me — a specific result — in the third paragraph where nobody would read it.

What was actually broken

Generic opener that adds zero information
Paragraph 2 was basically paraphrasing their job posting back at them
No concrete numbers or specific results until paragraph 3
Ended with "I look forward to hearing from you" — passive, forgettable
Total length: 280 words. Should be 150-180.

The rewrite

Lead with the result: "I grew email revenue 40% at [Company] by rebuilding our segmentation from scratch. That's the kind of problem I want to work on at [Company]."

Cut paragraph 2 entirely. Replace with one sentence about why this specific company.

End with an ask: "I'd love 20 minutes — I'm flexible on timing, just send me a few slots."

The rewrite was 140 words. It got a response.

The patterns that get most cover letters roasted

"I am writing to express my interest" — nobody has ever been hired because of this sentence
"Passionate", "results-driven", "team player" — these mean nothing without a number attached
Summarizing the job posting back at them — they wrote it, they know what it says
Longer than 200 words — brevity is confidence
"I hope to hear from you" — ask for a specific next step instead

📄 Roast My Cover Letter — Paste yours. Get the same brutal treatment — free preview, $2 full report with specific fixes.

Originally published at conker.tools/blog/roast-my-cover-letter

Best GitHub README Examples (And What Makes Them Work)

Conker — Thu, 16 Apr 2026 04:24:26 +0000

Most GitHub READMEs fall into one of two failure modes: the wall of text that explains everything except how to get started, or the three-line stub that was meant to be filled in later. Neither works.

Here's what actually makes a README good — with specific patterns you can steal.

What every good README has in common

The best READMEs answer three questions in the first screen of content:

What does this do? — one specific sentence, not "a powerful tool"
Who is it for? — developers? data scientists? anyone?
How do I start in 60 seconds? — a real working command or snippet

Pattern 1: The one-liner + instant demo

The best CLI and library READMEs lead with a single sentence and then immediately show the tool working. No preamble.

✅ What works:

# csvkit — tools for working with CSV files in the terminal
$ csvstat data.csv

Then immediately: a screenshot of the output.

Why it works: you know what it does and what it feels like to use it before you've read a second sentence.

Pattern 2: The problem-first opener

For tools solving a specific pain point, leading with the problem — not the solution — is more compelling.

✅ What works: "Tired of writing the same boilerplate for every new Express project? [Tool name] scaffolds a production-ready setup in one command."

Why it works: it speaks to the reader's existing frustration before asking them to learn anything new.

Pattern 3: The visual-first approach

For UI tools, dashboards, or anything with a visual output — a GIF or screenshot in the first 100px beats any amount of text description.

Tip: Use terminalizer or asciinema to record terminal sessions as GIFs. Keep GIFs under 5MB.

Pattern 4: The structured reference README

For larger libraries, a clean table of contents with anchor links is essential:

## Contents
- [Installation](#installation)
- [Quick Start](#quick-start)
- [Configuration](#configuration)
- [API Reference](#api-reference)
- [Examples](#examples)
- [Contributing](#contributing)

The README anti-patterns to avoid

Badge overload — 12 badges before a single sentence of content
"See the docs" as the entire usage section
Outdated screenshots — worse than no screenshot
Generic descriptions — "a fast, lightweight, extensible framework"
No license info — makes enterprise users skip you entirely
TODO sections left in — signals abandonment

🔥 Roast My README — Get brutally honest AI feedback on your README. Free preview, $2 for the full report.

Originally published at https://conker.tools/blog/best-github-readme-examples

How to Write a Cover Letter With No Experience (2026 Guide)

Conker — Thu, 16 Apr 2026 04:19:11 +0000

The biggest mistake people make when writing a cover letter with no experience is apologizing for it. Don't.

Everyone starts somewhere. Hiring managers for entry-level roles know this. What they're actually looking for is someone who understands the job, shows genuine interest, and can communicate clearly. You can demonstrate all three without a single line of work history.

What "no experience" actually means — and doesn't mean

You probably have more relevant experience than you think. "No experience" usually means no paid full-time experience. But consider what you do have:

Class projects or coursework directly relevant to the role
Freelance, volunteer, or part-time work
Personal projects (apps, websites, writing, design)
Clubs, teams, or organizations you led or contributed to
Internships, even short ones
Skills you taught yourself (coding, design, marketing)

Any of these can substitute for traditional work experience — if you frame them right.

The framework for a no-experience cover letter

Paragraph 1 — Lead with your strongest relevant credential. Not "I'm a recent graduate." Lead with the thing you did that's most relevant to this job. A project, a result, a skill.

Paragraph 2 — Show you understand the company. Research them. Mention something specific — a product, a recent launch, a value they hold. This alone separates you from 90% of applicants.

Paragraph 3 — Ask for the interview. Direct and confident. "I'd love the chance to discuss how I can contribute — happy to work around your schedule."

Example: entry-level marketing role

During my final year of university, I ran social media for a local restaurant and grew their Instagram from 400 to 3,200 followers in four months — mostly through short-form video content I scripted and edited myself.

I've been following how Bloom Agency approaches content strategy for small businesses, and it's exactly the kind of work I want to do more of. Your recent case study on the Riverdale Bakery rebrand was genuinely impressive.

I'd love 20 minutes to chat. I can work around your schedule — just send me a few times that work.

That's 94 words. Real result, specific company knowledge, clear ask. No apology for lack of experience.

What to avoid

"Although I have no direct experience..." — don't draw attention to gaps
"I am a hard worker and fast learner" — everyone says this
Summarizing your resume — the cover letter should add context, not repeat it
Longer than 200 words — brevity signals confidence

📄 Cover Letter Generator — Paste the job description + your background. Get a tailored letter in seconds. Free preview, $3 to unlock.

Originally published at https://conker.tools/blog/how-to-write-a-cover-letter-with-no-experience

How to Follow Up on a Cold Email (Without Being Annoying)

Conker — Thu, 16 Apr 2026 04:13:56 +0000

The data is clear: most replies to cold email come from follow-ups, not first emails. Studies consistently show that 50-80% of replies happen after the first message. If you send one email and give up, you're leaving most of your results on the table.

The fear of being annoying is the main reason people don't follow up. Here's the truth: a well-timed, well-written follow-up isn't annoying. It's useful. The annoying ones are the ones that add no value — just "bumping this to the top of your inbox."

When to follow up

Follow-up 1: 3-4 business days after the first email
Follow-up 2: 5-7 days after the first follow-up
Follow-up 3 (final): 7-10 days after that — the "breakup email"

Three follow-ups is the sweet spot. After that, you're spam.

Follow-up 1 — Add something new

The worst follow-up is "just checking in." Every follow-up should have a reason to exist.

Hey [Name],

Following up on this — I also wanted to share a quick example of what I did for a similar company: [one-line result or link].

Still happy to hop on a quick call if useful. Just let me know.

Follow-up 2 — Change the angle

Hi [Name],

I know this is probably the third email you've gotten from me — I'll keep it short.

If the timing isn't right or this isn't relevant, just say the word and I'll leave you alone. But if there's a better person I should be talking to about this, I'd appreciate the pointer.

Either way, thanks for your time.

Follow-up 3 — The breakup email

Counterintuitively, the "breakup email" often gets the highest reply rate. Telling someone you won't contact them again removes the pressure.

"Hi [Name] — I've reached out a few times and haven't heard back, so I'll take that as a no for now. I'll stop sending emails. If things change and you want to reconnect, my contact info is below.

Good luck with [something specific to their company]."

What never works

"Just bumping this to the top of your inbox" — says nothing
"Did you get a chance to look at my last email?" — passive-aggressive
Forwarding your original email with "Thoughts?" — lazy
Following up the next day — too soon
More than 3 follow-ups — now you're spam

📧 Cold Email Writer — Get 10 personalized cold emails written for your specific prospect. Free preview, $5 for the full pack.

Originally published at https://conker.tools/blog/how-to-follow-up-on-a-cold-email

Cold Email Templates That Actually Get Replies (And Why Most Don't)

Conker — Thu, 16 Apr 2026 04:13:55 +0000

The average cold email gets a 1-3% reply rate. The best cold emailers consistently hit 15-30%. The difference isn't luck — it's three things most people get wrong.

Why most cold emails fail

1. They're about you, not them. "I'm a freelance developer with 8 years of experience..." Nobody asked. The reader wants to know what's in it for them in the first line.

2. They're too long. Nobody is going to read six paragraphs from a stranger. If your cold email is more than 100 words, cut it in half.

3. The call to action is too big. "Let me know if you'd like to set up a call to discuss" puts all the work on them. Ask for something smaller — a yes/no, a referral, a 10-minute chat.

Templates that work

Template 1 — Freelancer reaching out to a potential client

Subject: Your checkout flow — quick thought

Hi [Name],

I noticed your checkout takes 6 steps. Most of your competitors are at 3. I've helped two e-commerce brands cut checkout abandonment by 30%+ by simplifying this flow.

Would it be useful if I put together a quick audit? Takes me an hour, costs you nothing.

Template 2 — Agency reaching out for a partnership

Subject: Referring clients to each other?

Hi [Name],

We both work with early-stage SaaS companies — you on branding, us on paid acquisition. We keep running into clients who need both.

Worth a 15-minute call to see if a referral arrangement makes sense?

Template 3 — Job seeker reaching out directly

Subject: Growth role — not applying through the form

Hi [Name],

I spent three years running growth at [Company] — took MRR from $50k to $400k. I've been watching how you've approached your recent expansion and I'd like to work on something like that.

Is there someone I should be talking to, or would you be the right person?

What not to do

❌ "Hi [Name], I hope this email finds you well! I came across your company and was really impressed by what you're doing in the space..."

This is 30 words before you've said anything. Delete it. Start with something real.

📧 Cold Email Writer — Personalized, under 100 words, ready to send. Free preview, $5 for 10 emails.

Originally published at https://conker.tools/blog/cold-email-templates

How to Write a Cover Letter That Doesn't Sound Like Everyone Else's

Conker — Thu, 16 Apr 2026 04:08:39 +0000

Here's the uncomfortable truth: most hiring managers spend 30 seconds on a cover letter. If your first sentence doesn't hook them, the rest doesn't matter.

The problem is that most cover letters start the same way: "I am writing to express my interest in the [position] role at [company]." This sentence tells them nothing they don't already know and wastes the most valuable real estate on the page.

What makes a cover letter actually work

1. Lead with the most relevant thing about you. Not your name. Not that you're applying. The one fact that makes you the right person for this specific role.

Instead of: "I am writing to express my interest in the Senior Designer role."

Try: "I spent three years designing the onboarding flow at Acme — it went from 40% to 74% completion. I'd like to bring that same focus to your team."

2. Be specific, not flattering. "I've always admired your company's innovative approach" sounds like you found their name on a job board. Instead, mention something specific — a product decision, a recent launch, a value they publicly hold.

3. Keep it to three paragraphs. No one wants to read four paragraphs about why you want the job. Three is enough: who you are and why you're relevant, why this company specifically, what you want to happen next.

4. End with a direct ask. Not "I hope to hear from you." Say: "I'd love to set up a 20-minute call this week — happy to work around your schedule."

The three-paragraph framework

Paragraph 1 — The hook: Your most relevant credential + the specific result it produced. One or two sentences max.

Paragraph 2 — Why them: Something specific about the company, team, or role that genuinely attracts you. Not generic praise — a real reason.

Paragraph 3 — The ask: What you want to happen next. Direct, confident, low-friction.

A quick example

I led growth at a B2B SaaS startup for four years, taking MRR from $40k to $380k through a mix of content, partnerships, and PLG. We did it with a team of two.

I've been following how Notion has approached community-led growth — it's one of the more thoughtful executions I've seen, and it's the kind of challenge I want to work on next.

I'd love to chat for 20 minutes. I'm flexible on timing — just send over a few slots that work for you.

That's 94 words. It's confident, specific, and easy to say yes to.

📄 Cover Letter Generator — Paste the job description + your background. Get a tailored letter in seconds. Free preview, $3 to unlock.

Originally published at https://conker.tools/blog/free-cover-letter-generator